i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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