meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Be still, my beating vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
