talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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