If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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