Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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