apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
