i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
