U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize