bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
