He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
