so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
