i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
