It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
