my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
