DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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