Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
