we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
