can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
