I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Randomize
