Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
