im drinking this country out of the recession.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
