my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
