I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
