Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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