their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
