I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I look better un-naked...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize