the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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