my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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