I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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