Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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