i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
