She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
