I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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