i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
