saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
