I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
