I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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