in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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