Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
