Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
