Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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