You work out of a Hotel?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
