I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
