just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
