Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
