I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
