uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would fuck him just for his dog
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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