thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
