the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
