I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
