$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize