im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
