I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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