I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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