please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
