1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
