i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
