FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
