how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
