Fine. I'll sleep in my office
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
