Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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