A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Less talking, more tequila
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
