I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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