My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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