I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
